i'm back, i think, but it's 6:30pm in rwanda

My body is here but I feel very detached. Thanking God for safe flights, happy family, hot showers and ice in my coffee. My thoughts about the trip are random and disconnected, so bare with me. Probably will be for some time. Rwanda seems to do this to people. This photo was taken at the Bethsaida HIV/Aids cooperative where infected people create Rwandan baskets like the one I photo'd for the blog last month. They also sell other things they make, and it pays for their meds, food, and ministry. I was just crazy-blessed to sit with them, pray with them, and sing and dance with them too! Yeah, no photos of that...you're welcome.



There is so much to say, and lots of it was said on our group blog, http://manchesteronthemove.wordpress.com/ , which contains entries from most of us about what we saw and did in Kilgale, Kibuye, Kirinda, and Mugonero. I don't wish to be repetitive here for those who followed the updates from that blog - but I do want to give my friends a bit more as time goes on.



So, Lynne, How was your trip? Because John Cassetto has been there and back twice, he gave us a week's notice that it might be a good idea to start imagining that this will be a question asked of us as soon as we get home, and finding answers will take time. We began to wonder and talk about it in the days that followed, and learned from each other that it's not wrong to have many answers, answers that make no sense, and no answers at all. We saw people who have nothing, but will give you their hearts just because you came; we saw them, loved them, trained them, prayed with them, or just touched them. We learned together with church leaders and pastors what a connected community church looks like. We made new friends, forever friends, and learned to trust each other in almost super-human ways. And of course, we learned some great Kinyarwanda phrases. My faves are; Itorero Wrimwe (One Church), Segugande (Its not about me), and Inshuti wanjye ehene mfite nt'amafaranga (my friend goat has no money). Karen, correct that grammar for me, will you? :)



How was my trip? Wild, fun, soul-wrenching, life-changing, hilarious, scary, awesome, globally significant, and full of tiny insights that will add up in my mind someday to something God will use. But today, it's just over too soon. My main question in Rwanda about returning to the US was, How will I ever go back to doing things that make no difference? Today I started getting answers. We are all created with purpose and purpose takes many many shapes. I got to have the chance to listen to stories of survival which are far more real to me than words on a page. But today, I got to enjoy the embrace of my family - and that matters too.



Yesterday I found a list I wrote last year. It was on a yellow pad that was just laying open and anyone in my house in the last month walked by it in my den. I must have written it after I'd read Crazy Love by Francis Chen. The top reads: If I really loved God with a consuming passion, I would:

As I read the items that went on for 3 pages, I came across these feelings;

• Rip off the armor that keeps me from feeling the pain of others



• Pray more and write less



• Be the people I admire. Do what they do. Ask more of myself.



• Start saving for Africa

That last one just filled me with JOY, and I need some lately because my heart is broken that I'm not still in Rwanda. Look what you did, God. Wow.



I'll keep letting this unfold here, for anyone who is interested. If you are reading this, then you are open. So thank you!

ready? set? go.

Today is the day :) I have laughed all week at how many friends and family members have called and come to see me "one last time" before I leave tonight, and I've tried to be brave for all the goodbye hugs (but you don't make it easy, Emily! Julia!) and I have left today open for packing and final checklists. David is driving us all to the airport at 2:30 am Sunday and from there, I'll be in the Great Hands that hold me always.
They say the journey IS the destination, and as I look back at all the details that carried me like ocean waves to this shoreline, and this new land, I know it's true. Just getting ready has made me a better me, and hopefully a better Christ follower. I have had people wish me Good Luck, and tell me that they could never do what I'm doing. I think they must say that because they think I'm going to Rwanda because I'm some kind of do-gooder (on steroids), when quite honestly, if that were my motivation, I'd be running on fumes by now. I'm seeing that when I see what God is doing and just jump in, he jumps in with all the power, talent, and resources that I need. Whoever you are, you know it too- if you don't yet, then you are missing out on a lifestyle of faith that will blast all your good deeds to smithereens. Doing good is so wasted without love and hope and the power of God to stay when we are gone.

Oh magnify the Lord with me. Let us exhalt his name together. Psalm 34:3.

manna

I am just a few days from Rwanda and I'm getting all mushy and reflective about that. Rwanda, I've learned over this past year, is a very sacred place because of the life and death that fights for a voice from its rolling hills and tear-soaked soil. But it is also very much like any place else: full of people with needs, big noisy families that laugh and love, and work that must get done. I have been wondering lately how much of what I have is handed to me by God and how everything, just everything is coming from God, one way or another.

Last night we had our last full team session; 38 of us together, practically vibrating with anticipation, praying for each other and for the people we'll meet so soon. We sat there, with every financial need met, and all fundraising over, and I giggled at how I could have ever questioned that God would pull it off. John Cassetto and Lisa Mazur, our MCC staff leaders, are so excited to go back to Rwanda and see their friends again, and bring us along like a giant truck full of gifts to them. John gets downright emotional when he talks about this. The moments in life when he sees the big "C" church being the CHURCH and doing what we're here for - these moments make him just stand in awe and when he talks about it, he glows. He weeps. I just can't wait to see what he is talking about for myself. To have the thing I'm praying for right in front of me.

I didn't expect to be this girl. I never thought I'd get to be a piece of something global. I'm not sure I ever wanted to. I can't think about that for very long, because its like looking at the sun; it starts to burn. Honestly, everything that we all do each day contributes to a big whole already, and it always has. So, why not do something little and one-step-at-a-time-ish for God?

There was a time, according to Exodus, when God fed his people himself in order to teach them about one-day-at-a-time faith. Manna is what they called the flaky coriander and honey flavored food (I always picture Baklava) that he provided, because there was no game to hunt out where they were wandering, I guess. This 'bread from heaven' fell with the morning dew each day during the period in which they had no land to call their own. By the next day, all the manna from the day before would start to rot and be inedible, so there was no saving up except the night before the Sabbath. Because God wanted to have that day of rest and worship kept holy, he gave them double food the day before. Sure enough, Sabbath would come and there would be no manna in the morning.

But, why?

"In the desert, the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, 'If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.'" Exodus 16:2 In other words, "We'd rather die and be slaves to those tyrants still than suffer like this and never know whether we're going to have food tomorrow!" But, God had his reasons.

When I said yes to joining a team and doing community development through local churches in Rwanda for a few weeks in August, my circumstances were very different than they are today: we were both employed. It was not that much of a stretch for Dave and I to imagine my involvement at this level. So I began informing my friends and family that they could participate by supporting us, and just after my final airfare payment came due, Dave got laid off. For a little while, we did question if we were getting new information that should change my plans, but we proceeded by faith and knew that if God didn't want me on this trip, he would most certainly put a big BOULDER in my path. He never did. So I obeyed and God provided. This is God's economy and it works. Who knew? Uh-huh.

"He humbled you, feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Deuteronomy 8:3 This is a great GREAT mystery, but I'm ok with that. What it looks and feels like today in my life- to live on what I know to be true from God and let the rest be in his hands- is all I have to do. He's always been faithful to me, and he never owed me a thing.

Murakoze cyane, Imana. Thank you so much, God.

So, this might be my last post from this blog for a while, but I may get the chance to post updates from Rwanda. We will be blogging from http://manchesteronthemove.wordpress.com/ so please check that out! And please POST on there! I want to hear your voice.

Thanks again for every little thing you have done to keep me stoked and all your prayers!