personal peace

There is a vast possie of reasons why it is logical and reasonable for me to worry lately, and I went to bed with them last night. There are nights like that; we all have them, I'm pretty sure. Nights when the what if's and the what then's are shouting louder than the voices of peace. So I cried a bit, because that's what I do. I knew that a specific answer to "what am I going to do?" was probably not going to come to me in that state of exaustion. Then I asked for some peace, and my heart rate changed, my breathing slowed, and sleep came sweetly. I love to pray for things that God wants to give me: its a sure thing. I can count on God to give me peace when I ask for it; know why? It's one of his favorite prayers to hear. When Jesus was getting ready to leave his most trusted buddies, and he knew that they would really miss having him physically there to speak peace into their lives, he didn't leave them empty handed.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you.

Not as the world gives do I give to you.

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

I think that PEACE probably wasn't what they wanted most, at the time. How about some actual blue prints for what your church in the world is going to look like? How about some good old tablets, like Moses got, with serious instructions for how to do life without you here?

Peace? Really?

It must matter. Peace must be essential, legitimate, and relevant. Like something you don't even know you need until you're positively out-of-your-mind-desperate for it.

What's so different about his kind of peace? The peace I can help myself to -in the form of relief, rest, laughter, a sit-com break from chaos - this peace is temporary. The peace of God outlasts my life, my problems, and my quick fixes. Real-deal peace is what Jesus leaves me with, and it is sourcing me for whatever comes next. I know it not just because I read it, but because its a truth speaking from the inside out of me now and I'm desperate for it.

This morning light, which hasn't appeared quite yet, is not going to give me the action steps which will propel me out of my wilderness (which is not much different than your wilderness, likely), but peace does make me more sure footed. A candle glow that is all I need to slip my toes forward.

training

Training is ultimately about willful change to our bodies and to who we are. - Marty Jerome, fitness writer and runner extraordinaire

I still love the monthly essays in my run journal, even though my running habit has suffered a hobbling blow of late. And the running metaphor, as it relates to spiritual life, is the best one ever, even still. Lately, I've been looking at racing with less ardour and more wistful longing, as if the idea of it is a memory. Whether you are avid or casual about it, a runner is only as good (to herself) as her last time out there. My last foot race was in 08, and I'm playing with the idea of doing another one sometime soon. Feel the sterling commitment in those words....

Once I was out for a little run recently and I started thinking about how Paul says that there are two ways to look at running a race: you either run to win it, or you run aimlessly.

I Cor 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

I hear a little lesson on hypocrisy at the end, there. Do as I do, watch me be the real deal. See if it works. I wonder if Paul ever envisioned that most athletes would be more into being fit and strong and less into winning prizes by the 21st century? I've had a few sweet races. I did break 2 hours in a half marry, and once I came in 2nd in my age bracket for a local 5k. That's the best I will ever place, very likely. Chances are I'll never be that fast again. And yet I run, even when I don't win. I move to stay strong. When it comes to trusting God, I want to be in the winners circle.

That same word for crown, or wreath, from I Cor 9:25 also shows up in James 1:12:

12Blessed (happy,to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

One thing I adore about the idea of crowns in the bible is the picture of the imperishable wreath, the laurel that the Greek runners earned, upon which we base our olympic prizes and the marathoner's crown. Not too many of us have crowns around here. But one day, those who love Him will be crowned. What will we do with our crowns - the ones that the bible says we'll deserve if we have loved God? We will hurl them gladly at the throne of God to magnify his glory. That will be a good day.

And so we run.