personal peace

There is a vast possie of reasons why it is logical and reasonable for me to worry lately, and I went to bed with them last night. There are nights like that; we all have them, I'm pretty sure. Nights when the what if's and the what then's are shouting louder than the voices of peace. So I cried a bit, because that's what I do. I knew that a specific answer to "what am I going to do?" was probably not going to come to me in that state of exaustion. Then I asked for some peace, and my heart rate changed, my breathing slowed, and sleep came sweetly. I love to pray for things that God wants to give me: its a sure thing. I can count on God to give me peace when I ask for it; know why? It's one of his favorite prayers to hear. When Jesus was getting ready to leave his most trusted buddies, and he knew that they would really miss having him physically there to speak peace into their lives, he didn't leave them empty handed.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you.

Not as the world gives do I give to you.

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

I think that PEACE probably wasn't what they wanted most, at the time. How about some actual blue prints for what your church in the world is going to look like? How about some good old tablets, like Moses got, with serious instructions for how to do life without you here?

Peace? Really?

It must matter. Peace must be essential, legitimate, and relevant. Like something you don't even know you need until you're positively out-of-your-mind-desperate for it.

What's so different about his kind of peace? The peace I can help myself to -in the form of relief, rest, laughter, a sit-com break from chaos - this peace is temporary. The peace of God outlasts my life, my problems, and my quick fixes. Real-deal peace is what Jesus leaves me with, and it is sourcing me for whatever comes next. I know it not just because I read it, but because its a truth speaking from the inside out of me now and I'm desperate for it.

This morning light, which hasn't appeared quite yet, is not going to give me the action steps which will propel me out of my wilderness (which is not much different than your wilderness, likely), but peace does make me more sure footed. A candle glow that is all I need to slip my toes forward.