face time

So, for a while now it has been my goal to be the same person in every place; to stop putting on an identity which fits the role of the moment, and quit playing games. I got very tired of it, I was bad at it, and it never served its intended purpose anyhow: to make me feel like a legit member of a group when I felt like I didn't have the appropriate credentials. But, old habits die hard.

One of the things I miss most about being in Rwanda is that every day, since I had no idea what to expect (being in totally unfamiliar territory, both literally and socially), I didn't have to put on a face, or a hat, or a role, and there was no TIME, even if I'd wanted to. We knew the goals for the day, and the one's that materialized, and every one on our teams just rolled up our metaphorical sleeves daily and worked it out. There was no space for arranging your face so that you will look like you know what you are doing. In Rwanda, your face is your face. I absolutely loved it.

But here, it's a different story. At work, in relationships, and in service, I generally have time to figure out how I'm expected to behave. In the past, this required a measure of skill, because of all I had to lose. (Too honest for you?)

There's a great song by Switchfoot called This Is Your Life, and it goes like this:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose.

What I love about that last line is it almost pokes fun at how much we had to lose when we were younger...because we thought that was so true. If I don't act the part, no one will like me. If they find out that I am X-Y-Z (whatever), then it's all over. Curtain falls. Now that we are older and wiser, we know that its never really over - when we are revealed. And living revealed lives is so much easier! Isn't it?

It actually is, but, for me, it means that I'm ok with this face. By face, I mean the identity I reveal. That's because I am bought and I am safe. In Christ, my forever face(my identity, my soul) is not just acceptable, well recieved, good to go. I am more than fine because I am in Christ.

What is left to fear?

(Just reminding myself.)